Never Trust a Pile of Poo

When we bought our home on top of a hill in the middle of a field, we had a lot of landscape work to do. There were no trees. There was no grass for the yard. There was just a house. And there was a driveway that was filled with gravel the size of small boulders, which we had not requested but the contractor did so anyway. Since we were on the top of the hill, every time it rained, enormous ruts would develop in our "yard." I later learned that we should have put up retaining tarps until grass was able to get started so the ruts wouldn't develop...too late!

Finally, grass did grow and it looks like we have a yard after about 4 summers. The ruts are still there and it makes for pretty rough mowing. In fact I've broken steel sway braces on the mower deck of my lawn tractor 5 times and had to replace the entire engine after year 1 due to the dirt clogging up the pistons and freezing the whole thing. It was under warranty!

During the past 2 summers I, along with my wife and father-in-law, have taken on the challenge of DIY retaining wall. Yes, 2 summers. I couldn't complete it all in the first summer. But this summer we did get the walls done. But because of the slope there wasn't enough dirt to level. So I literally shoveled a hole in my backyard and over the course of 3 laborious evenings after work, I filled the retaining wall with dirt to level. Then started filling with landscape rock, which is very expensive.

Then, while taking inventory of the farm, I came across this (right). Upon closer look you'll discover it's a pile of landscape rock. But the rock isn't piled on dirt...it's pig poo! A big compost heap of it. Now why it was dumped here, I don't know. But what I did know was that if I had the nerve, I could get landscape rock without having to pay for it.



What I discovered as I shoveled scat to get to the rocks was that there were some really good sized rocks in there! So I gently stepped on the pile and found it solid. I tried to reach this one rock in particular, but it was just out of reach. So I stepped up a little further and that's when my foot sank all the way to the bottom. Nauseating fumes seared my nose. My eyes watered and my confidence had taken a mighty blow! I failed to take a picture of my shoe but here's a shot of the disturbed poo pile.




Upon my return home I told my wife and sister-in-law what had happened. Between snorts and guffaws, I heard my sister-in-law say: "Never trust a pile of poo!" and something about a classic mistake. Yeah, I'm a rookie around poo piles, but you, my friends, will know better if ever facing this ominous task or a heap of dung that might appear safe after initial review.

Undaunted, I returned to the poo pile for the next couple days and slowly worked my way through the stench. I returned home with bucket s full of stones, which I promptly washed off with a hose.

Then, within shovel reach, was my target. I leaned forward and scooped and pried. The rock, she moved. With one final twist of the shovel, the rock rolled off the poo pile and onto concrete. I've placed regular landscape rocks beside her for size comparison.




And here are my poor daughters, trusting their father with a photo while unwittingly standing in front of a pile of pig poo. Rest assured this will haunt them around graduation, dating, weddings, etc.

o!